Laloo Prasad Yadav Gets Job Offer

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.

A few days later he got this reply:


Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,


You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.


Thanks
Bill Gates.


Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."

Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued... ... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? Par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.


Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
Our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- AB Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
Shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

Santa ki bhagwan se shikayat

Depressed Santa: bhagwan mujhey dard daydukh day; tension day
mujhey barbaad ker day,
meray peechay bhoot laga day. & goes on & on for 1 hour.....
Bhagwan tang aa kar: Bas Chupp!!!
aik line main bool biwi chahiye

Santa the car mechanic

A customer arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, They were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it.
He went to the service department and found a mechanic, Mr Santa working feverishly to unlock the driver`s side door.
As the customer watched from the passenger`s side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.
"Hey," he announced to the technician, "It`s open!"
"I know," answered Santa.- "I already got that side."

Inspector Santa Singh

Lady to inspector Santa:
My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Behenji, Worry naa karo ji, Kuch aur pakaa lo.

Santa and a Lawyer

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."


Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."


This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"


Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?"


The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000.


Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"


Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep.

Santa Singh Joins Church

Santa Singh was impressed with Church, so decided to change name to Santa D'Costa, joined the priest and then followed him into the confessional. A few minutes later a woman came in and said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"

Priest: "What did you do?"

Woman: " I committed adultery"

Priest: "How many times?"

Woman: "Three times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, put $ 5.00 in the charity box, and sin no more"

A few minutes later a man entered the confessional. He said

"Father, forgive me for I have sinned"

Priest: "What did you do?"

Man: "I committed adultery"

Priest: "How many times?"

Man: "Three times"

Priest: "Say two Hail Marys, put $ 5.00 in the charity box, and sin no more"

Santa, a quick learner, told the priest that he understood the job and the priest could leave.

Santa D'costa was now alone. A few minutes later another woman entered and said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"

Santa: "What did you do?"

Woman: "I committed adultery"

Santa: "How many times?"

Woman: "Once"

Santa: "Go do it two more times, we have a special offer this week, three times for $ 5.00 "

Santa's long awaited son

Santa sing ka 10 saal bad bacha hua. Wo udas ho gaya.

Banta : Yaar udas kion ho?

Santa : 10 sal baad bacha huwa wo bhi itna sa.

Banta's lucky draw

Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought tickets, seeing it was for charity.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.

His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.

Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.

Banta won the tenth prize - a toilet brush.

About a week later, at the office canteen, the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.

"Great," said the the seond prize winner, "I love cadbury chocolates, I would switch to cadburry"

"So do I," said the first prize winner. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta

"Not so good," Banta said, "I think I'll go back to paper."

Santa visits doctor

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"O Khote da putter called back."

Santa proposes to a woman.

Santa proposes to a woman.
She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears.

Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.

He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *AGAIN* barefeet!"

Santa Banta Jaggi in trouble

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.
Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

Santa with Phone Operator

Santa Singh went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.

:-(

Guess why ?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Answer: Because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"

Santa Da Dhaba

Customer: Oyye sardar teri lassi me makhi hai...!!

Sardar: Yaar bade chote dil ke ho tussi ......!! Dil badda rakh, ye nanhi si jaan teri kitni lassi piyegi...!!

Santa's Lawsuite

There was a Sardar and his name was

' SANTA SINGH NANGA '.

Everybody used to laugh at him, tease him for having such a name.

Once in a friend's Party, the host introduced SANTA SINGH to others saying

"Meet my old friend SANTA SINGH NANGA ", and the whole party burst into laughter..

Santa could not take it any more and decided to legally change his name. He went to the court and appealed to the judge:

Sardar: "Judge saab, mera naa sunke sare hass de ne. Tussi sunoge ta tussi vi hassoge. Mainu mera naa badalna hai"

Judge: "O nahi-nahi ! Koi gal nahi.. Tussi apna naa dasso..(bolo)"

Sardar: "Mera naa hai "SANTA SINGH NANGA"

Judge saab also starts laughing..

Judge : " Koi gal nahi.Koi gal nahi. Tussi yeh batawo Tuhanu keda nava naa chahida hai ?"

Sardar (After thinking for a while): "O Ji, Bante pe log nahi haste, to naam rakho Banta Singh Nanga "

Santa in Fields

A tourist from USA was touring Punjab and got lost. He saw Santa working in his field and stopped for directions.

Santa told him how to get to Shimla.

The man wanted to talk a bit so he asked Santa, "Is this your farm?"

"Yep", Santa answered.

"How big is it?" asked the tourist.

"Well, it starts down the road there where the creek is and follows the creek up and over the hill to about where you can see that big tree. Then it runs across back of the barn to a big pile of stones up yonder and then down along the fence there to the road up that way."

The tourist smiled and said, "Well, that's a nice place. Let me tell you about my place out in Yuba City. I can get into my car and start out from one end of my property just as the sun is coming up in the east. I can drive all-day and just as the sun is setting in the west I reach to other end of my ranch. What do you think of that?"

Santa thought for a second or two, and then said, "I too had a car like that when I was 5 years old!"

Pappu ka Result

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo. Main us master ka ghar dekh kar aaya hoon.

Automatically

Santa: Help me translate in Hindi "Michael Jackson AUTOMATICALLY goes"
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, "Mai Ka Laal Jai Kishan AUTO MEIN TAKLI ke saath jata hai"

Jeeto's Inglis

Santa and Jeeto were preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.
Jeeto was not very good at English so she asked the printer to help her. After the printer had presented her with a draft, she quickly pointed out that the "RSVP " was missing .
The printer was surprised by Jeeto's knowledge and asked her if she knew what it meant.
Jeeto replied, "O gee, this is the most important part of my Munde di shaadi! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Presents!"

News Flash!

A 2 seater plane crashed in graveyard near Amritsar, local sardars came forward to rescue, they have found 5 dead bodies so far and are digging for more!

Santa in trouble

Lady Doc Angrily: Oye tumhe sharam nahi aati? Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?

Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am

Doctor Santa

Patient: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Santa Doctor: O Gee, today is a big day. Ajj mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.

Santa in love

Santa invites his girlfriend Jeeto to rooftop of his house. Jeeto goes there, Santa says " I love you Jeeto and…." Santa jumps off roof. He is unconscious and rushed to emergency. When he wakes up, Jeeto asks why did you jump? Santa "I love you Jeeto and I was falling in love "